Ramblings on forgiveness from last week's sermon about the Lord's Prayer. I was trying to explore my questions on what is forgiveness and what kind of situation sets up the need for forgiveness.
There was something I needed from you. Or maybe I just wanted, or hoped for it. You didn't come through for me, and that hurt me. Or maybe, what I wanted was that you NOT do something, but you did it anyway, and that hurt, maybe it hurt really bad. So what do I do with this? I hate what you did. It caused me pain, and still causes me pain, like a wound that won't heal. I wish I could erase that if ever happened. I hate you for making it happen (or for not giving me what I needed).
What can I do about how I feel? I am wounded, and I cannot erase the wound. And you, you are the wound-giver, the pain-maker, the sorrow-bringer. You are a reminder of my pain, my wounding, my hurt. Maybe if I could erase you I could erase my pain. That is what I feel, so I try to forget you and what you did. But it doesn't work. The wound is there, whether or not I look at it, whether or not I look at you. What can I do, full of anxiety and pain and fear? Will the wound heal if I just wait long enough? If time is not enough, then what will it take? Will an apology heal? Will reparation? Maybe so.
But healing the wound is not forgiveness. So what is it to forgive? It is not to say, "it is ok, what you did." Is it to say, "I know what you did, but in spite of what you did I love you"? Must we love those who have wounded us in order to forgive them? Perhaps it is to let go of my single-minded view of you, my view that you are the wound-giver and that is your identity. Can I see you anew? Can I see the you beyond the pain you gave me? How do I see you differently? Is it a decision? A (God-given) change of heart? |